How Ana Got Me

 age: 18

height: 5'9''

weight: 290 lbs.

     i don't believe I have ever been pretty enough or thin enough to catch the attention of anyone.  anyone who sees me knows immediately that i am no good.  i am filth. pure and utter filth and failure put into this sagging fat sack of a body.  i sicken all who surround me as i eat. i make them uncomfortable.  even my dear and loving boyfriend cannot hide his disgust from me.  i am nothing.  i need strength.  i need to know my sister ana girls will be beside me and help me through this pain.  i will learn, slowly, to stay strong.  i will be with ana until perfection.  i don't believe i will ever be perfect.
     my boyfriend is always here for me.  i will always pray and work hard to follow the guidelines ana sets for me.  water is all i will drink now.  food makes me sick.
     i do not self harm, yet. i do not purge or use laxitives.  if i eat, i deserve to feel the pain in my stomach, knowing that it will all come back as disgusting, filthy fat covering my stomach and thighs and hips and arms and legs. i deserve to stand in front of the mirror and insult myself day after day.
     i want support. i crave it. please, ana girls, come to my rescue. 
     message me. email me. anything. come to me and help me. 
     i am motivated by the words of Wintergirls. i will forever echo the words within my head.