T.a.k.i.n.g T.i.m.e T.o C.l.e.a.n

Yeah, new title layout. Haha. I get bored.
Anyways, a few days ago, I took a bath, and used some yummy hot cocoa body cream.  It smelled amazing, and it really helps to relieve chocolate cravings. My friend, JDG, had a craving for chocolate, and I have a box filled with candy, so I brought over every ounce of chocolate I had.  I use candy to kill cravings too, but I ALWAYS check the calorie and fat content. 
Ah, Facebook. JDG commented on my status, saying I never talk to her about things concerning ana. No dip, I don't. She is not pro ana, in any way, shape, or form.  I don't feel comfortable talking about those things.  Plus, all I hear from her is things about how bad her life is.  See, JDG is a teen mom, and the father is living with her right now and they are engaged.  She is in college for nursing and he doesn't have a job.  It's going to be hard for them, and it only motivates me more to lose weight, so I can get a job or go to college without feeling uncomfortable.
But she tries to help, so I suppose that is alright.
Oh, and if anyone could help, I badly want to know how to make different pages on my blog! please help!

And I've decided to start asking questions from my followers at the end of every post. Please answer :3 Think thin stay strong Love Love <33

Question: What is your favorite book about Ana or ED's?

My answer: Wintergirls - Laurie Halse Anderson  It's amazing.  I use a lot of quotes from that book in my Ana books.

Followers!

 I can't believe I finally have followers! It's only three, but you know what? That's more than I've ever had before! X333

     Thank you very much to Jane Pansy.  You are beautiful too, dear, and I love you too. thank you so very much for the support and the tips. I took them to heart, and got vitamins (not sure what. mom bought them.), calcium vitamins, and Prenatal, telling my mom I wanted my hair to grow more. Ha. Thank you so much, though.
     And thank you for advertising me on your blog, Jane! You will be getting an email from me very shortly <3 thank you so much. And I do know how to search out other blogs, but thank you for offering to help.
     When I first discovered the underground, pro-ana online community, I was alone. Now I'm already having help.  It is very motivational and I am happy to say that I only ate 15 calories today from how happy I was.

Right now I'm on the phone with my, well, a friend of mine that doesn't approve of this. He says he missed me.  We really are best friends and he tries to make me feel better by telling me how beautiful I am.

I Am Disgusting.

Today, me and my cousin cleaned up my room and moved around stuff. She doesn't understand why I needed so much extra space. It's to exercise, dear cousin.


     So, today, I made a list of my stats.

CW: 270

LW: 180

HW: 320

GW1: 230

GW2: 200

GW3: 180

UGW: Undecided as of yet

So for now, I'm just trying to lose weight and stop freaking eating.

And I know that no one is reading this. I know it. I'm used to it. No one ever listened before.

But I need support. I need help. I'm too weak for this..

Update For Today's Food Intake

Total food intake for the day

Breakfast: Water: 0

Lunch: Bologna sandwich with miracle whip and one slice of cheese: 320

Dinner:  Nothing

Total: 320 Calories

So, all in all, a very good day.  I may get around to writing some stories or motivation for others out there that would like to be motivated, but for now, I'm just working on it.  I'm hoping, horribly, that I will be able to get a new scale so I can know my real weight.  It feels too odd to not know how fat I am now.  For anyone that might read this, please follow.  I am very much pro ana, no matter what my weight is. And I didn't "choose" to be with Ana.  She chose me. So anyways, anyone out there, do follow me and maybe you can get into my head. Maybe.

     I want someone to help me.  I want an Ana buddy.  My best friend, who will be named JDG for now, knows how I am and the lifestyle I live.  I exercise extensively, and she knows that it's not good for me, but that I won't be stopped. I only drink water or diet soda now.  I hardly eat, as shown above.

     Someone has to be out there, wanting to help me and help themselves through this.  I want to be perfect. Ana demands it of me.  Please help me, anyone.

Update: No One Is Reading This

it's hard now to imagine a life without Ana.  she will always be there and tell me what i should and shouldn't eat.  it surprises me how quickly she has come to accept me in her heart.  she is the only person that is always there for me and always takes care of me.  she tells me how hard to cut.  she tells me how much to eat.  she tells me if i am worthy of eating for the day, and usually, i am not.  i am a huge, fatass and i know that she knows that.  i hate to bathe now.  i hate feeling my body when i get dressed.  i can't see bones.  only fat.  i want to see my bones, because they are the only pure, beautiful thing about me.  i have bones, just like everyone else.  i want to be beautiful.

     ana has worked hard on me.  i walk daily.  i exercise daily.  i eat.. weekly.  i take diet pills.  i do all of this, and still my efforts are in vain, because i dont even know how much i weigh anymore, because our scale is broken.  i hope to find out soon, though.  we shall see how that goes, i guess.  i hope to have other ana girls follow this blog and help me to get into their heads and into their lifestyle.  i adore ana and all she has done for me.

     if you are not pro ana, then do not comment on this blog.  if you do not accept my lifestyle, then why are you here? merely to insult me? i am going to be healthy and beautiful, and only ana can truly understand how i feel.  i won't let others in anymore. only the select, few, chosen people shall know about this side of my life.

     anyways, time for the update.

     i am getting used to the growling of my stomach, and it makes me proud.  it makes me proud that i have such self control that i dont have to eat when i am clearly not hungry.  i do not like food.  i do not need food.  food is for the weak.  the best part about having a friend or a family member that eats food is that it makes you feel strong and proud of yourself.  i am always proud of myself when i don't eat while others are around me.  i am strong like that, now.  i do try to eat, just to keep my metabolism going, but i see results even when i don't eat.  it's just because i'm fat, i'm sure, but it still makes a difference to me.

     anyways, that's all i have for now.  StayStrongThinkBeautifulBePerfect!

How Ana Got Me

 age: 18

height: 5'9''

weight: 290 lbs.

     i don't believe I have ever been pretty enough or thin enough to catch the attention of anyone.  anyone who sees me knows immediately that i am no good.  i am filth. pure and utter filth and failure put into this sagging fat sack of a body.  i sicken all who surround me as i eat. i make them uncomfortable.  even my dear and loving boyfriend cannot hide his disgust from me.  i am nothing.  i need strength.  i need to know my sister ana girls will be beside me and help me through this pain.  i will learn, slowly, to stay strong.  i will be with ana until perfection.  i don't believe i will ever be perfect.
     my boyfriend is always here for me.  i will always pray and work hard to follow the guidelines ana sets for me.  water is all i will drink now.  food makes me sick.
     i do not self harm, yet. i do not purge or use laxitives.  if i eat, i deserve to feel the pain in my stomach, knowing that it will all come back as disgusting, filthy fat covering my stomach and thighs and hips and arms and legs. i deserve to stand in front of the mirror and insult myself day after day.
     i want support. i crave it. please, ana girls, come to my rescue. 
     message me. email me. anything. come to me and help me. 
     i am motivated by the words of Wintergirls. i will forever echo the words within my head.