I'm getting better at this, I believe.

I did good today, I only ate, like, ten chips from my friend in class. And drank water and Diet Dr. Pepper. Yum. It's one of the two diet sodas I'll drink, that and Mountain Dew. I don't know why. I hate regular MD but the diet just makes it so appetizing <3

Well, I'm rather bored lately, but at least le boyfriend is coming soon. Oh, random thought. Does anyone know sign language? I'm trying to learn, because all that movement is such good exercise for the arms, wouldn't ya know. Lol. Man, I'm thirsty.

If I ramble, it's my mind giving up on sleep, finally. I said I was going to bed three hours ago. Lol.

I hope I can hold off on eating tomorrow, too. Tomorrow, I plan on cleaning and doing laundry and all that stuff that'll make my stepdad happy while he's off work. I wish I had a job.

As a note, I know a lot of people aren't pro-ana, but are anorexic and not wanting to stop. What would that be called? I'm not sure what I am. I go with EDNOS, just because I don't really qualify for anything. It's like I'm retarded when it comes to food.

I eat too much, I starve for days at a time, I purge, I cut, I cry, I think about suicide. What am I?

My old therapist said anxiety, with a dash of depression, but she never asked about how I ate, but she did know that I didn't eat often enough, but, she could see how fucking fat I am.  I don't think I've lost a pound. You know what, I'm going to go weigh myself.

Last I check, I was 296.4 pounds.


Shit, I'm not going to weigh myself. I made my boyfriend tell me the exact date he's coming here, and it's the last date possible... I feel like dying.

Five more days? I could barely make it through today without wanting to stab myself straight through my fat stomach and carving out all the fat lodged inside of me.

I just.. I can't handle this anymore.... I can't wait much longer... I'm so lonely.. I'm so useless... I can't even get a job...

Know how many places I've applied to in the past year? And reapplied to when I was able to?
Fifteen fucking places. I never even got a call back. Is it because they met me? Saw how fat I was, how much I didn't work to lose weight?

Why can't I be skinny and perfect.... Why can't I get a job when everyone else does..

My really shitty friend, we'll call him Erwin, he fucking got a job just because he's a guy, and this place only had girls working. THATS THE ONLY REASON.

He complains, constantly, about not getting paid enough, the hours being too long, not having enough hours to afford things he wants, about how he back sasses his boss, or about how he got written up for refusing to fucking stop sitting on a counter.

HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET HIRED AND NOT ME? HES NEVER FUCKING WORKED BEFORE AND THIS IS WHAT THEY FUCKING GET. I WORKED MY ASS OFF THREE SUMMERS IN A ROW AT SOME SHITTY AMUSEMENT PARK AND CANT EVEN GET A GOD DAMNED INTERVIEW AT FUCKING. WALMART.


I'm beyond pissed right now.. I'm going to bed.

QOTD: How much do you weight right now?

MA: I'll post it next time, if I get at least five comments. If not, oh well, not important enough anyways.

I am, in fact, very much alive...

.. And very much fat. Two hundred and fucking ninety five pounds.. I'm a disgrace.

I need to start fasting. And fast. (Trollolol)

Well, le boyfriend is moving in in less than eleven days. I'm not allowed to know the official date, but I know when it isn't so that's good.

But I feel like such a bloated, fat, disgusting whale..

I have to lose weight by then. I have to.

What's my best bet, people? What's the best thing to do? Starve and drink water? Eat small portions of a certain food? Tell me anything that will help me, please.

I drink water pretty much nonstop now, so don't worry about that too much. I'm trying to flush out my system after the recent binging incident I had (May have to write about that later.)

I've been obsessed with Minecraft lately. Anyone Ana/Mia out there that plays, please link me to your server. Mine aren't working as of right now, so please.

Oh, my family got a scanner now. So I've been drawing. TIME TO BRING BACK....

QUESTION OF THE DAY!

Question: What animal/pokemon/neopet/something cuddly would you like me to draw? I'm bored out of my mind and need to draw, since Minecraft isn't working.

My Answer: I'm going to draw me as a Eevee. I love Eevee, such a simple, adorable pokemon, but filled with so many possibilities. It reminds me of myself.

Thank you for the support. I promise I'll be on more often, especially with the boyfriend coming here. I want him to know everything I do, even though he disagrees.

xoxo
Kitty


P.S. I've started going by "Kitty" and "Icing" lately, so have fun with that.