I Want To Die

I'm never going to be skinny. I'm not. And Eric is never going to live with me. I have to accept that.

I have no job. I'm fucking huge and disgusting. Everyone I've ever met wishes they could forget me.

My stepdad showed me where we hide the gun at. Now I know where to find it.

And I just found out where I have to shoot to kill myself instantly. I can't wait to try it.

Toodles.

I feel usless..

Yeah, I'm back guys and girls. I got a big mirror put up in my room, looked at myself, and purged. I recently found out one of my friends is a cutter and also has an eating disorder, but she's against it and trying to get fixed. I'm not.
I want to lose weight. I've stopped eating. I've been exercising.

Oh, and I haven't been here in so long, I have good news.
My parents gave the OK and said my boyfriend can move in.
Here's the thing: We're going to be moving soon too. From Indiana to Tennessee.

I'm so terrified. I hate moving. I'm too fat. I'll take up too much space. I'll never make new friends.

I'm in tears just telling you guys about it.

Well, anyways, I'm going to take pictures of myself semi-naked tomorrow and post them. You guys deserve to see me once, at least. And someday, we can look back and see the changes and such.

Any and all comments are welcome. Thank you.

Can't Decide What To Do

My ear is clogged up from swimming two days ago. Oh, and my two "best friends" came with me and my family to fireworks on the 3rd, and went and saw fireworks, together, on the fourth. I want to die. Really.

I cut up my wrist again. Started bleeding while I was webcamming with the boyfriend, and I almost died.

My ear is literally throbbing and it's killing me. I'm completely deaf in it.

Oh, and I weight 289.2 pounds right now. It's killing me. I hate being this fat. I wish I was as skinny as my friend Cherries. She's very nice looking. She's underweight and looks amazing, and I wish I looked that good.

Someone help me to lose weight. Nothing I'm doing is working.

My Weight Sucks/ Deleting my blog..

Welp, I'm at 287.4 today, and oddly enough, that's a loss, as I was 291 last time I checked. Now, though, it's on. I've been eating smaller portions, exercising a ton since we got a swimming pool, and doing a lot of exercise before I collapse into my bed at night.

And yeah, I'm thinking of deleting my blog, or, at the very least, not posting on it for a long time. :/ No one reads it or comments anymore, so it's kind of depressing.

You guys have realized how pointless I am too. Good. Great.

Oh, and I quit therapy. Got too lazy. So now I'm left to rely on myself for comfort.

It's not working....

xoxo
Cryota (The End.)

Summer Question/ I feel like I'm dying..

Okay, let's see how well this goes. I asked you guys about your favorite types of music, and here's your answers! :D

Louise: Lady Gaga, Marilyn Manson, The Used, Childish Gambino, Slipknot, Korn

Fragile Heart: Rock, alternative rock, alternative country, dance.

Sparkle Spaz: Electronic, alternative Swedish House Mafia's "Greyhound", Maroon 5, Panic at the Disco, All Time Low.

Sorry for the crappy paste, lol, and if I got any bands typed wrong :P But here's my list, and some little descriptions.

All Time Low: Very punk rockish, I love them <3 Best song, to me, "Damned If I Do Ya", "Break Your Little Heart", and "Dear Maria Count Me In".

Falling In Reverse: Kind of the same at All Time Low, but awesome. Songs? Oh here. "Raised By Wolves" and "Good Girl Bad Guys".

Brokencyde: AGH I LOVE THEM! The name is epic too :3 Songs would be "Schizophrenia" and "Monster Inside Me".

Paramore:Duh. If you haven't listened to them, yet, then wtf. <w<  My favorite song, by far, is "That's What You Get". Very powerful.

Uhh... (This is where Cryota couldn't decide what band to talk about next...)

Bo Burnham: He. Is. Fucking. Hilarious.  Please, PLEASE, if anything, listen to "I'm Bo Yo", today. PLEASE. My favorite is "Rant" but he's just.. so damn funny XD Please listen to him or watch him! (He's on Netflix.)

Five Finger Death Punch: Please don't flame me xD I like them. Songs would be "Never Enough" and, my absolute favorite, "The Tragic Truth".

Three Days Grace: Yes. Just.... yes. All the songs. ALL THE SONGS.

And lastly, please, don't hate me for being a My Little Pony fan.. xD But... There's these things on Youtube called "Pony Music Videos" that I LOVE. The best are made by DJ Alex, BronyDanceParty, and Wooden Toaster (Glaze).
List of songs: Rainbow Factory, September, 20 Percent Cooler [Please, GOD, listen to it, I love it XD], and Monster.

Welp, I just about bored you all to death :3 Oh, and my new diet? Not eating.

I'm gonna try to just sit around and drink tea and try not to eat anything. I've been texting Tiny Rose for the past few days, and she's been my only texting buddy! D: Anyone else want to text or IM? I'm going to get AOL, MSN, aanndd yahoo IM! :3 So I'll be looking for friends! Hit me up!

Ah The Love

Not being sarcastic. Thank you all, girls, for the lovely comments! I'm a terrible procrastinarorotlkjslkjsraor... so.. I haven't gotten the exact rules of my diet set up yet.

So.. I haven't done a question in a while. I SHALL NOW! And, just for summer's sake, I will post your replies on my next blog post ;D

Question: Describe your favorite types of music.

My Answer: Shall be posted next blog post <3 Tune in next time!

xoxo
Cry

Full Day Are Over

I finally got inspiration from WeWillChange's blog post, saying "last full day". I know she meant of school, but this applies to me.

I'm sick of feeling full, like I am right now.  My new diet will be named FDAO. Full Days Are Over. I'm never going to be full again.  I hate the feeling. I love the feeling of an empty stomach.

And sorry Tiny Rose :( We were supposed to fast today, and I ate like a pig for dinner at my friend's house. I'm so weak.. Hence, this will work.

I'm finishing up the rules for this new diet.  If anyone wants to join, once I post them, feel free.  I'd like some advertising on your blogs too! Lol. I'm not a beggar? x3x..

Anyone here do the Runescape thing? I've been dungeoneering the past few days and I keep getting ditched, lol. I love dungeoneering too, so it sucks D:

Oh and also, I've been wearing more provocative clothing lately, short shorts and VERY low cut shirts. Can this be a subliminal sign of losing weight? I haven't weighed in so long. I will when I get home tomorrow. I'll post it tomorrow night, too.

Anyone up for texting or IMing or anything? I'm about to download Yahoo, MSN, and AOL Messenger, so I'm all open :D Let me know! Toodles!

xoxo
Cry