Moving blogs guys! Accounts and everything because this one's been messing up lately :P
New URL is AnaKeepMySecrets.blogspot.com
Please come follow me <3 I'll be saving your URL's and looking you up on the new one to follow you all!
I love you all <3 Toodles~
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Holy shit, 66 followers
Yeah, I'm sorry I haven't been on in a while, guys. I've been busy. LET'S GO THROUGH WHAT I'VE ACCOMPLISHED!
Well, boyfriend lived with me from October 2012 to January 2013, but then we packed up my little blue car and drove to New Jersey, which is where we now live, with his parents :D
It's not too bad. It's his parents, his older brother, older sister, and younger sister.
His younger sister is working out a lot, so sometimes I join her in working out. She's a lot skinnier than me, but she's not "skinny". She's basically at that body type of people that I hate, that are like "Omg I'm so fat, I'll never lose weight." But they're SO much closer to that ideal body type than I am.
So anyways, I've been okay here. Eating better, because his mom decided the whole family is on a diet, eating healthy food like fruits and vegetables and such. Meh. D: I'm pretty okay with that.
Today, though, we're going to go to the mall nearby and apply for jobs. I need money xD I hate being broke. Oh, and i'm going to buy a new, smaller, purse today, because my purse is fucking enormous, and the new issues #3 and #4 of the My Little Pony comics ;D So, lemme think.. uhh..
QOTD: Are you a fan of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic?
My Answer: I AM THE BIGGEST FAN OMFG KAJDFLKJARLJNLASDF I LOVE MY LITTLE PONY! I'm a Colgate fan, along with Derpy and Fluttershy :3 I love Derpy Hooves and I wish they would have added more of her in season three. AND I WISH THEY HADN'T CHANGED HER GOD DAMNED VOICE ugh. She sounds like a bimbo. r3r Welp, lemme know guys. Later.
Well, boyfriend lived with me from October 2012 to January 2013, but then we packed up my little blue car and drove to New Jersey, which is where we now live, with his parents :D
It's not too bad. It's his parents, his older brother, older sister, and younger sister.
His younger sister is working out a lot, so sometimes I join her in working out. She's a lot skinnier than me, but she's not "skinny". She's basically at that body type of people that I hate, that are like "Omg I'm so fat, I'll never lose weight." But they're SO much closer to that ideal body type than I am.
So anyways, I've been okay here. Eating better, because his mom decided the whole family is on a diet, eating healthy food like fruits and vegetables and such. Meh. D: I'm pretty okay with that.
Today, though, we're going to go to the mall nearby and apply for jobs. I need money xD I hate being broke. Oh, and i'm going to buy a new, smaller, purse today, because my purse is fucking enormous, and the new issues #3 and #4 of the My Little Pony comics ;D So, lemme think.. uhh..
QOTD: Are you a fan of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic?
My Answer: I AM THE BIGGEST FAN OMFG KAJDFLKJARLJNLASDF I LOVE MY LITTLE PONY! I'm a Colgate fan, along with Derpy and Fluttershy :3 I love Derpy Hooves and I wish they would have added more of her in season three. AND I WISH THEY HADN'T CHANGED HER GOD DAMNED VOICE ugh. She sounds like a bimbo. r3r Welp, lemme know guys. Later.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
You Raise Me Up (Back, by the way)
Yeah, I've been gone, but got tons of news for those of you still following my blog :3 I'm so sorry I've been gone, and I'm so thankful for you all. I really am. Thank you to all of you for being there for me.
Well, first off, I got a job! 40 hours a week, exactly, and at $9/hr. That's a LOT of moola, eh?
Boyfriend moved in.. 66 days ago, I think? Maybe 65. He has a counter on his phone that says how many days since he's moved in x3 It's been amazing. He's so cuddly and sweet and loving, and he doesn't like me not-eating, but I've been eating decently and exercising a lot. I haven't really lost anything, though, but I have some inspiration.
I want to BADLY get my hair cut in a scene style. You know, that only skinny girls can pull off? Yeah, I want that. BADLY. And I'm going to dye it burgundy, darkish-red for those of you who don't speak rainbow. Lol.
Been practicing sign language and Japanese, too! I want to get all the hiragana and katakana memorized before I start on words and sentences.
Also, for Christmas, I'm getting a Kindle Fire! My mom asked me if I'd rather have that or a 3DS and I said that, because I can trade in my old DS for some money instead. Lol.
And I'm going to work on my New Year's Resolutions for the next month, so if you guys wanna share yours in the comments, feel free! :3
So, I've rambled enough, I believe :3 Let's do a question, shall we?
QOTD: What is your favorite, CHEAP, "snack" food?
My Answer: I tend to snack a lot between meals, and I want to quit that, along with drinking pop. *sob* My favorite, cheap, healthy snack would have to be cucumber or celery. It's so crisp and watery. I don't need anything to drink with it, either, and it's a lot of water in it too. I normally eat these for meals too :P Today I had a whole cucumber for lunch. YUM!
Love you all, keep commenting and I'm about to go through what posts I've missed, so I'm sorry! D:
xoxo
Paige
(Yes, my real name, not sure if any of you know it, but it is Paige. :3 Thought you deserved to know.)
Well, first off, I got a job! 40 hours a week, exactly, and at $9/hr. That's a LOT of moola, eh?
Boyfriend moved in.. 66 days ago, I think? Maybe 65. He has a counter on his phone that says how many days since he's moved in x3 It's been amazing. He's so cuddly and sweet and loving, and he doesn't like me not-eating, but I've been eating decently and exercising a lot. I haven't really lost anything, though, but I have some inspiration.
I want to BADLY get my hair cut in a scene style. You know, that only skinny girls can pull off? Yeah, I want that. BADLY. And I'm going to dye it burgundy, darkish-red for those of you who don't speak rainbow. Lol.
Been practicing sign language and Japanese, too! I want to get all the hiragana and katakana memorized before I start on words and sentences.
Also, for Christmas, I'm getting a Kindle Fire! My mom asked me if I'd rather have that or a 3DS and I said that, because I can trade in my old DS for some money instead. Lol.
And I'm going to work on my New Year's Resolutions for the next month, so if you guys wanna share yours in the comments, feel free! :3
So, I've rambled enough, I believe :3 Let's do a question, shall we?
QOTD: What is your favorite, CHEAP, "snack" food?
My Answer: I tend to snack a lot between meals, and I want to quit that, along with drinking pop. *sob* My favorite, cheap, healthy snack would have to be cucumber or celery. It's so crisp and watery. I don't need anything to drink with it, either, and it's a lot of water in it too. I normally eat these for meals too :P Today I had a whole cucumber for lunch. YUM!
Love you all, keep commenting and I'm about to go through what posts I've missed, so I'm sorry! D:
xoxo
Paige
(Yes, my real name, not sure if any of you know it, but it is Paige. :3 Thought you deserved to know.)
Friday, September 28, 2012
I'm getting better at this, I believe.
I did good today, I only ate, like, ten chips from my friend in class. And drank water and Diet Dr. Pepper. Yum. It's one of the two diet sodas I'll drink, that and Mountain Dew. I don't know why. I hate regular MD but the diet just makes it so appetizing <3
Well, I'm rather bored lately, but at least le boyfriend is coming soon. Oh, random thought. Does anyone know sign language? I'm trying to learn, because all that movement is such good exercise for the arms, wouldn't ya know. Lol. Man, I'm thirsty.
If I ramble, it's my mind giving up on sleep, finally. I said I was going to bed three hours ago. Lol.
I hope I can hold off on eating tomorrow, too. Tomorrow, I plan on cleaning and doing laundry and all that stuff that'll make my stepdad happy while he's off work. I wish I had a job.
As a note, I know a lot of people aren't pro-ana, but are anorexic and not wanting to stop. What would that be called? I'm not sure what I am. I go with EDNOS, just because I don't really qualify for anything. It's like I'm retarded when it comes to food.
I eat too much, I starve for days at a time, I purge, I cut, I cry, I think about suicide. What am I?
My old therapist said anxiety, with a dash of depression, but she never asked about how I ate, but she did know that I didn't eat often enough, but, she could see how fucking fat I am. I don't think I've lost a pound. You know what, I'm going to go weigh myself.
Last I check, I was 296.4 pounds.
Shit, I'm not going to weigh myself. I made my boyfriend tell me the exact date he's coming here, and it's the last date possible... I feel like dying.
Five more days? I could barely make it through today without wanting to stab myself straight through my fat stomach and carving out all the fat lodged inside of me.
I just.. I can't handle this anymore.... I can't wait much longer... I'm so lonely.. I'm so useless... I can't even get a job...
Know how many places I've applied to in the past year? And reapplied to when I was able to?
Fifteen fucking places. I never even got a call back. Is it because they met me? Saw how fat I was, how much I didn't work to lose weight?
Why can't I be skinny and perfect.... Why can't I get a job when everyone else does..
My really shitty friend, we'll call him Erwin, he fucking got a job just because he's a guy, and this place only had girls working. THATS THE ONLY REASON.
He complains, constantly, about not getting paid enough, the hours being too long, not having enough hours to afford things he wants, about how he back sasses his boss, or about how he got written up for refusing to fucking stop sitting on a counter.
HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET HIRED AND NOT ME? HES NEVER FUCKING WORKED BEFORE AND THIS IS WHAT THEY FUCKING GET. I WORKED MY ASS OFF THREE SUMMERS IN A ROW AT SOME SHITTY AMUSEMENT PARK AND CANT EVEN GET A GOD DAMNED INTERVIEW AT FUCKING. WALMART.
I'm beyond pissed right now.. I'm going to bed.
QOTD: How much do you weight right now?
MA: I'll post it next time, if I get at least five comments. If not, oh well, not important enough anyways.
Well, I'm rather bored lately, but at least le boyfriend is coming soon. Oh, random thought. Does anyone know sign language? I'm trying to learn, because all that movement is such good exercise for the arms, wouldn't ya know. Lol. Man, I'm thirsty.
If I ramble, it's my mind giving up on sleep, finally. I said I was going to bed three hours ago. Lol.
I hope I can hold off on eating tomorrow, too. Tomorrow, I plan on cleaning and doing laundry and all that stuff that'll make my stepdad happy while he's off work. I wish I had a job.
As a note, I know a lot of people aren't pro-ana, but are anorexic and not wanting to stop. What would that be called? I'm not sure what I am. I go with EDNOS, just because I don't really qualify for anything. It's like I'm retarded when it comes to food.
I eat too much, I starve for days at a time, I purge, I cut, I cry, I think about suicide. What am I?
My old therapist said anxiety, with a dash of depression, but she never asked about how I ate, but she did know that I didn't eat often enough, but, she could see how fucking fat I am. I don't think I've lost a pound. You know what, I'm going to go weigh myself.
Last I check, I was 296.4 pounds.
Shit, I'm not going to weigh myself. I made my boyfriend tell me the exact date he's coming here, and it's the last date possible... I feel like dying.
Five more days? I could barely make it through today without wanting to stab myself straight through my fat stomach and carving out all the fat lodged inside of me.
I just.. I can't handle this anymore.... I can't wait much longer... I'm so lonely.. I'm so useless... I can't even get a job...
Know how many places I've applied to in the past year? And reapplied to when I was able to?
Fifteen fucking places. I never even got a call back. Is it because they met me? Saw how fat I was, how much I didn't work to lose weight?
Why can't I be skinny and perfect.... Why can't I get a job when everyone else does..
My really shitty friend, we'll call him Erwin, he fucking got a job just because he's a guy, and this place only had girls working. THATS THE ONLY REASON.
He complains, constantly, about not getting paid enough, the hours being too long, not having enough hours to afford things he wants, about how he back sasses his boss, or about how he got written up for refusing to fucking stop sitting on a counter.
HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET HIRED AND NOT ME? HES NEVER FUCKING WORKED BEFORE AND THIS IS WHAT THEY FUCKING GET. I WORKED MY ASS OFF THREE SUMMERS IN A ROW AT SOME SHITTY AMUSEMENT PARK AND CANT EVEN GET A GOD DAMNED INTERVIEW AT FUCKING. WALMART.
I'm beyond pissed right now.. I'm going to bed.
QOTD: How much do you weight right now?
MA: I'll post it next time, if I get at least five comments. If not, oh well, not important enough anyways.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
I am, in fact, very much alive...
.. And very much fat. Two hundred and fucking ninety five pounds.. I'm a disgrace.
I need to start fasting. And fast. (Trollolol)
Well, le boyfriend is moving in in less than eleven days. I'm not allowed to know the official date, but I know when it isn't so that's good.
But I feel like such a bloated, fat, disgusting whale..
I have to lose weight by then. I have to.
What's my best bet, people? What's the best thing to do? Starve and drink water? Eat small portions of a certain food? Tell me anything that will help me, please.
I drink water pretty much nonstop now, so don't worry about that too much. I'm trying to flush out my system after the recent binging incident I had (May have to write about that later.)
I've been obsessed with Minecraft lately. Anyone Ana/Mia out there that plays, please link me to your server. Mine aren't working as of right now, so please.
Oh, my family got a scanner now. So I've been drawing. TIME TO BRING BACK....
QUESTION OF THE DAY!
Question: What animal/pokemon/neopet/something cuddly would you like me to draw? I'm bored out of my mind and need to draw, since Minecraft isn't working.
My Answer: I'm going to draw me as a Eevee. I love Eevee, such a simple, adorable pokemon, but filled with so many possibilities. It reminds me of myself.
Thank you for the support. I promise I'll be on more often, especially with the boyfriend coming here. I want him to know everything I do, even though he disagrees.
xoxo
Kitty
P.S. I've started going by "Kitty" and "Icing" lately, so have fun with that.
I need to start fasting. And fast. (Trollolol)
Well, le boyfriend is moving in in less than eleven days. I'm not allowed to know the official date, but I know when it isn't so that's good.
But I feel like such a bloated, fat, disgusting whale..
I have to lose weight by then. I have to.
What's my best bet, people? What's the best thing to do? Starve and drink water? Eat small portions of a certain food? Tell me anything that will help me, please.
I drink water pretty much nonstop now, so don't worry about that too much. I'm trying to flush out my system after the recent binging incident I had (May have to write about that later.)
I've been obsessed with Minecraft lately. Anyone Ana/Mia out there that plays, please link me to your server. Mine aren't working as of right now, so please.
Oh, my family got a scanner now. So I've been drawing. TIME TO BRING BACK....
QUESTION OF THE DAY!
Question: What animal/pokemon/neopet/something cuddly would you like me to draw? I'm bored out of my mind and need to draw, since Minecraft isn't working.
My Answer: I'm going to draw me as a Eevee. I love Eevee, such a simple, adorable pokemon, but filled with so many possibilities. It reminds me of myself.
Thank you for the support. I promise I'll be on more often, especially with the boyfriend coming here. I want him to know everything I do, even though he disagrees.
xoxo
Kitty
P.S. I've started going by "Kitty" and "Icing" lately, so have fun with that.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
I Want To Die
I'm never going to be skinny. I'm not. And Eric is never going to live with me. I have to accept that.
I have no job. I'm fucking huge and disgusting. Everyone I've ever met wishes they could forget me.
My stepdad showed me where we hide the gun at. Now I know where to find it.
And I just found out where I have to shoot to kill myself instantly. I can't wait to try it.
Toodles.
I have no job. I'm fucking huge and disgusting. Everyone I've ever met wishes they could forget me.
My stepdad showed me where we hide the gun at. Now I know where to find it.
And I just found out where I have to shoot to kill myself instantly. I can't wait to try it.
Toodles.
Monday, August 13, 2012
I feel usless..
Yeah, I'm back guys and girls. I got a big mirror put up in my room, looked at myself, and purged. I recently found out one of my friends is a cutter and also has an eating disorder, but she's against it and trying to get fixed. I'm not.
I want to lose weight. I've stopped eating. I've been exercising.
Oh, and I haven't been here in so long, I have good news.
My parents gave the OK and said my boyfriend can move in.
Here's the thing: We're going to be moving soon too. From Indiana to Tennessee.
I'm so terrified. I hate moving. I'm too fat. I'll take up too much space. I'll never make new friends.
I'm in tears just telling you guys about it.
Well, anyways, I'm going to take pictures of myself semi-naked tomorrow and post them. You guys deserve to see me once, at least. And someday, we can look back and see the changes and such.
Any and all comments are welcome. Thank you.
I want to lose weight. I've stopped eating. I've been exercising.
Oh, and I haven't been here in so long, I have good news.
My parents gave the OK and said my boyfriend can move in.
Here's the thing: We're going to be moving soon too. From Indiana to Tennessee.
I'm so terrified. I hate moving. I'm too fat. I'll take up too much space. I'll never make new friends.
I'm in tears just telling you guys about it.
Well, anyways, I'm going to take pictures of myself semi-naked tomorrow and post them. You guys deserve to see me once, at least. And someday, we can look back and see the changes and such.
Any and all comments are welcome. Thank you.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Can't Decide What To Do
My ear is clogged up from swimming two days ago. Oh, and my two "best friends" came with me and my family to fireworks on the 3rd, and went and saw fireworks, together, on the fourth. I want to die. Really.
I cut up my wrist again. Started bleeding while I was webcamming with the boyfriend, and I almost died.
My ear is literally throbbing and it's killing me. I'm completely deaf in it.
Oh, and I weight 289.2 pounds right now. It's killing me. I hate being this fat. I wish I was as skinny as my friend Cherries. She's very nice looking. She's underweight and looks amazing, and I wish I looked that good.
Someone help me to lose weight. Nothing I'm doing is working.
I cut up my wrist again. Started bleeding while I was webcamming with the boyfriend, and I almost died.
My ear is literally throbbing and it's killing me. I'm completely deaf in it.
Oh, and I weight 289.2 pounds right now. It's killing me. I hate being this fat. I wish I was as skinny as my friend Cherries. She's very nice looking. She's underweight and looks amazing, and I wish I looked that good.
Someone help me to lose weight. Nothing I'm doing is working.
Monday, July 2, 2012
My Weight Sucks/ Deleting my blog..
Welp, I'm at 287.4 today, and oddly enough, that's a loss, as I was 291 last time I checked. Now, though, it's on. I've been eating smaller portions, exercising a ton since we got a swimming pool, and doing a lot of exercise before I collapse into my bed at night.
And yeah, I'm thinking of deleting my blog, or, at the very least, not posting on it for a long time. :/ No one reads it or comments anymore, so it's kind of depressing.
You guys have realized how pointless I am too. Good. Great.
Oh, and I quit therapy. Got too lazy. So now I'm left to rely on myself for comfort.
It's not working....
xoxo
Cryota (The End.)
And yeah, I'm thinking of deleting my blog, or, at the very least, not posting on it for a long time. :/ No one reads it or comments anymore, so it's kind of depressing.
You guys have realized how pointless I am too. Good. Great.
Oh, and I quit therapy. Got too lazy. So now I'm left to rely on myself for comfort.
It's not working....
xoxo
Cryota (The End.)
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Summer Question/ I feel like I'm dying..
Okay, let's see how well this goes. I asked you guys about your favorite types of music, and here's your answers! :D
Louise: Lady Gaga, Marilyn Manson, The Used, Childish Gambino, Slipknot, Korn
Fragile Heart: Rock, alternative rock, alternative country, dance.
Sparkle Spaz: Electronic, alternative Swedish House Mafia's "Greyhound", Maroon 5, Panic at the Disco, All Time Low.
Sorry for the crappy paste, lol, and if I got any bands typed wrong :P But here's my list, and some little descriptions.
All Time Low: Very punk rockish, I love them <3 Best song, to me, "Damned If I Do Ya", "Break Your Little Heart", and "Dear Maria Count Me In".
Falling In Reverse: Kind of the same at All Time Low, but awesome. Songs? Oh here. "Raised By Wolves" and "Good Girl Bad Guys".
Brokencyde: AGH I LOVE THEM! The name is epic too :3 Songs would be "Schizophrenia" and "Monster Inside Me".
Paramore:Duh. If you haven't listened to them, yet, then wtf. <w< My favorite song, by far, is "That's What You Get". Very powerful.
Uhh... (This is where Cryota couldn't decide what band to talk about next...)
Bo Burnham: He. Is. Fucking. Hilarious. Please, PLEASE, if anything, listen to "I'm Bo Yo", today. PLEASE. My favorite is "Rant" but he's just.. so damn funny XD Please listen to him or watch him! (He's on Netflix.)
Five Finger Death Punch: Please don't flame me xD I like them. Songs would be "Never Enough" and, my absolute favorite, "The Tragic Truth".
Three Days Grace: Yes. Just.... yes. All the songs. ALL THE SONGS.
And lastly, please, don't hate me for being a My Little Pony fan.. xD But... There's these things on Youtube called "Pony Music Videos" that I LOVE. The best are made by DJ Alex, BronyDanceParty, and Wooden Toaster (Glaze).
List of songs: Rainbow Factory, September, 20 Percent Cooler [Please, GOD, listen to it, I love it XD], and Monster.
Welp, I just about bored you all to death :3 Oh, and my new diet? Not eating.
I'm gonna try to just sit around and drink tea and try not to eat anything. I've been texting Tiny Rose for the past few days, and she's been my only texting buddy! D: Anyone else want to text or IM? I'm going to get AOL, MSN, aanndd yahoo IM! :3 So I'll be looking for friends! Hit me up!
Louise: Lady Gaga, Marilyn Manson, The Used, Childish Gambino, Slipknot, Korn
Fragile Heart: Rock, alternative rock, alternative country, dance.
Sparkle Spaz: Electronic, alternative Swedish House Mafia's "Greyhound", Maroon 5, Panic at the Disco, All Time Low.
Sorry for the crappy paste, lol, and if I got any bands typed wrong :P But here's my list, and some little descriptions.
All Time Low: Very punk rockish, I love them <3 Best song, to me, "Damned If I Do Ya", "Break Your Little Heart", and "Dear Maria Count Me In".
Falling In Reverse: Kind of the same at All Time Low, but awesome. Songs? Oh here. "Raised By Wolves" and "Good Girl Bad Guys".
Brokencyde: AGH I LOVE THEM! The name is epic too :3 Songs would be "Schizophrenia" and "Monster Inside Me".
Paramore:Duh. If you haven't listened to them, yet, then wtf. <w< My favorite song, by far, is "That's What You Get". Very powerful.
Uhh... (This is where Cryota couldn't decide what band to talk about next...)
Bo Burnham: He. Is. Fucking. Hilarious. Please, PLEASE, if anything, listen to "I'm Bo Yo", today. PLEASE. My favorite is "Rant" but he's just.. so damn funny XD Please listen to him or watch him! (He's on Netflix.)
Five Finger Death Punch: Please don't flame me xD I like them. Songs would be "Never Enough" and, my absolute favorite, "The Tragic Truth".
Three Days Grace: Yes. Just.... yes. All the songs. ALL THE SONGS.
And lastly, please, don't hate me for being a My Little Pony fan.. xD But... There's these things on Youtube called "Pony Music Videos" that I LOVE. The best are made by DJ Alex, BronyDanceParty, and Wooden Toaster (Glaze).
List of songs: Rainbow Factory, September, 20 Percent Cooler [Please, GOD, listen to it, I love it XD], and Monster.
Welp, I just about bored you all to death :3 Oh, and my new diet? Not eating.
I'm gonna try to just sit around and drink tea and try not to eat anything. I've been texting Tiny Rose for the past few days, and she's been my only texting buddy! D: Anyone else want to text or IM? I'm going to get AOL, MSN, aanndd yahoo IM! :3 So I'll be looking for friends! Hit me up!
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Ah The Love
Not being sarcastic. Thank you all, girls, for the lovely comments! I'm a terrible procrastinarorotlkjslkjsraor... so.. I haven't gotten the exact rules of my diet set up yet.
So.. I haven't done a question in a while. I SHALL NOW! And, just for summer's sake, I will post your replies on my next blog post ;D
Question: Describe your favorite types of music.
My Answer: Shall be posted next blog post <3 Tune in next time!
xoxo
Cry
So.. I haven't done a question in a while. I SHALL NOW! And, just for summer's sake, I will post your replies on my next blog post ;D
Question: Describe your favorite types of music.
My Answer: Shall be posted next blog post <3 Tune in next time!
xoxo
Cry
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Full Day Are Over
I finally got inspiration from WeWillChange's blog post, saying "last full day". I know she meant of school, but this applies to me.
I'm sick of feeling full, like I am right now. My new diet will be named FDAO. Full Days Are Over. I'm never going to be full again. I hate the feeling. I love the feeling of an empty stomach.
And sorry Tiny Rose :( We were supposed to fast today, and I ate like a pig for dinner at my friend's house. I'm so weak.. Hence, this will work.
I'm finishing up the rules for this new diet. If anyone wants to join, once I post them, feel free. I'd like some advertising on your blogs too! Lol. I'm not a beggar? x3x..
Anyone here do the Runescape thing? I've been dungeoneering the past few days and I keep getting ditched, lol. I love dungeoneering too, so it sucks D:
Oh and also, I've been wearing more provocative clothing lately, short shorts and VERY low cut shirts. Can this be a subliminal sign of losing weight? I haven't weighed in so long. I will when I get home tomorrow. I'll post it tomorrow night, too.
Anyone up for texting or IMing or anything? I'm about to download Yahoo, MSN, and AOL Messenger, so I'm all open :D Let me know! Toodles!
xoxo
Cry
I'm sick of feeling full, like I am right now. My new diet will be named FDAO. Full Days Are Over. I'm never going to be full again. I hate the feeling. I love the feeling of an empty stomach.
And sorry Tiny Rose :( We were supposed to fast today, and I ate like a pig for dinner at my friend's house. I'm so weak.. Hence, this will work.
I'm finishing up the rules for this new diet. If anyone wants to join, once I post them, feel free. I'd like some advertising on your blogs too! Lol. I'm not a beggar? x3x..
Anyone here do the Runescape thing? I've been dungeoneering the past few days and I keep getting ditched, lol. I love dungeoneering too, so it sucks D:
Oh and also, I've been wearing more provocative clothing lately, short shorts and VERY low cut shirts. Can this be a subliminal sign of losing weight? I haven't weighed in so long. I will when I get home tomorrow. I'll post it tomorrow night, too.
Anyone up for texting or IMing or anything? I'm about to download Yahoo, MSN, and AOL Messenger, so I'm all open :D Let me know! Toodles!
xoxo
Cry
Sunday, June 3, 2012
New Diet: I need to make a name..
I'm starting a new diet. I'll be posting the rules and such later. It's mainly based on the fact that I hate how I look, and I want to have a waist the next time I see my boyfriend.
Anyone want to help come up with names? Bootcamp or Moving Makeover or something. Help me.
Anyone want to help come up with names? Bootcamp or Moving Makeover or something. Help me.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Depressed, I guess...
Been a while since I've last posted. Went to therapy, she said I have more anxiety than anything, and some depressive patterns.
Told her about the cutting. The not-eating. Everything.
Boyfriend saw me get a text from a guy he doesn't like. Boyfriend doesn't trust me. Btw, I'm with boyfriend now. But here's the thing: He's still best friends with the girl he left me for. Twice.
It hurts. It hurts that I'm not trusted. I never left him. I came clean about what I did the SECOND it was over.
I didn't hear about the girl until I came here and someone mentioned her name. Then again a month later when he left me broken hearted and alone.
I feel like crying, but I'm in the big sofa chair and boyfriend looks like he might sit with me.
I'm lying. He's not even looking at, talking to, or acknowledging me.
And I'm texting the guy now. So fuck him....
Told her about the cutting. The not-eating. Everything.
Boyfriend saw me get a text from a guy he doesn't like. Boyfriend doesn't trust me. Btw, I'm with boyfriend now. But here's the thing: He's still best friends with the girl he left me for. Twice.
It hurts. It hurts that I'm not trusted. I never left him. I came clean about what I did the SECOND it was over.
I didn't hear about the girl until I came here and someone mentioned her name. Then again a month later when he left me broken hearted and alone.
I feel like crying, but I'm in the big sofa chair and boyfriend looks like he might sit with me.
I'm lying. He's not even looking at, talking to, or acknowledging me.
And I'm texting the guy now. So fuck him....
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Therapy?
Crap. Long story.
Basically, two good friends of mine left. I planned on killing myself on May 29th for a long time. Told one person, they told my mom. Now, my mom wants me to go see a therapist. And I will.
I'm just scared they'll ask about my eating habits. I want to die, still. I do. My boyfriend is hurt, but he's glad I'm doing the therapy thing.
Basically, two good friends of mine left. I planned on killing myself on May 29th for a long time. Told one person, they told my mom. Now, my mom wants me to go see a therapist. And I will.
I'm just scared they'll ask about my eating habits. I want to die, still. I do. My boyfriend is hurt, but he's glad I'm doing the therapy thing.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
I'm Going To Starve Until May 12th
I'll drink water. No food. Possibly juice.
I was webcamming with the boyfriend. I turned the cam on accident. He saw my friend's leg.
Now, she's a size fucking 0. I'm a size 20 on a good day.
He saw her thigh down to her ankle, as she was sitting all curled up.
He acted weird. I know why. He finally saw someone sexy. Pretty. SKINNY.
I want to die..... I just want to die....
I'm going to starve... I hate myself.... I hate that he saw her..... That I feel like tearing her to bits.....
I was webcamming with the boyfriend. I turned the cam on accident. He saw my friend's leg.
Now, she's a size fucking 0. I'm a size 20 on a good day.
He saw her thigh down to her ankle, as she was sitting all curled up.
He acted weird. I know why. He finally saw someone sexy. Pretty. SKINNY.
I want to die..... I just want to die....
I'm going to starve... I hate myself.... I hate that he saw her..... That I feel like tearing her to bits.....
Friday, April 27, 2012
Ranting; Ignore Me More
I'm so fucking sick and tired of this bitch and her god damned boyfriend. I know they already had fucking sex, because she told her damn ex that they did. And she's all "Oh no, we're going to wait for the right time" BULL FUCKING SHIT,
The guy, her ex btw? Loves me. He's so fucking amazing and so damn nice to me. I'm seriousy guys, I'm a horrible person. I like this guy. I love my boyfriend, though. This guy is just so damn nice and he calls me and texts me and webcams with me AND NEVER FALLS ASLEEP ON ME LIKE MY BOYFRIEND DOES EVERY SINGLE NIGHT....
I'm so fucking sick of him doing that, too. It really pisses me the fuck off. IM SERIOUSLY FUCKING SICK OF HIM FALLING ASLEEP ON ME! I DONT GIVE A GOD DAMN SHIT THAT HE HAS SCHOOL, IM HIS FUCKING GIRLFRIEND AND HE DOESNT LOVE ME ENOUGH DAMN MUCH TO STAY UP FOR 30 MINUTES! FUCK HIM
He fucking left me for a bisexual whore anyways. I'm not knocking on bi's, but she's a fucking boyfriend stealing whore. After me and him were finally fucking cool she tells him that she's fucking falling for him AND HE FUCKING THINKS OF LEAVING ME AGAIN!
Fuck that. I'm sick of life. I'm sick of liars.
I'm killing myself the day I come back from his house.
The guy, her ex btw? Loves me. He's so fucking amazing and so damn nice to me. I'm seriousy guys, I'm a horrible person. I like this guy. I love my boyfriend, though. This guy is just so damn nice and he calls me and texts me and webcams with me AND NEVER FALLS ASLEEP ON ME LIKE MY BOYFRIEND DOES EVERY SINGLE NIGHT....
I'm so fucking sick of him doing that, too. It really pisses me the fuck off. IM SERIOUSLY FUCKING SICK OF HIM FALLING ASLEEP ON ME! I DONT GIVE A GOD DAMN SHIT THAT HE HAS SCHOOL, IM HIS FUCKING GIRLFRIEND AND HE DOESNT LOVE ME ENOUGH DAMN MUCH TO STAY UP FOR 30 MINUTES! FUCK HIM
He fucking left me for a bisexual whore anyways. I'm not knocking on bi's, but she's a fucking boyfriend stealing whore. After me and him were finally fucking cool she tells him that she's fucking falling for him AND HE FUCKING THINKS OF LEAVING ME AGAIN!
Fuck that. I'm sick of life. I'm sick of liars.
I'm killing myself the day I come back from his house.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Memories
For my Kitten: Enjoy.
Of all I drain, of all I lose,
Never will I break.
Of all the weight removed,
Hope I will not forsake.
I'll urge to binge and I'll beg to purge, but never will I break.
My body is mind, and it's mine to change, Hope I will not forsake.
I will look perfect, I will be thin,
Never will I break.
I miss Disaster terribly. I know he doesn't even get on Blogger anymore, but I wish he did, so he could read this. I'm just going to rant about him.
I love him. To death. I wish he knew.. I wish he cared. He's moved on past me, and doesn't want me to be a part of his life. It's not like I blame him. I'd get rid of me too.
I'm a fat, useless waste. I don't help him with anything. I have an old conversation of ours recorded.. It made me cry. It was when he had been lying about talking to a friend of mine, one that always turns my friends away from me. She doesn't do it on purpose.
He had been, and I quote, trying to "get to know her".. I know what that means with him, and I know that he doesn't love me anymore. It hurts. It literally breaks my heart. I want to just lay in bed and freeze and cut and pray for him to text me....
I miss my Master....
xoxo
Cry
Of all I drain, of all I lose,
Never will I break.
Of all the weight removed,
Hope I will not forsake.
I'll urge to binge and I'll beg to purge, but never will I break.
My body is mind, and it's mine to change, Hope I will not forsake.
I will look perfect, I will be thin,
Never will I break.
I miss Disaster terribly. I know he doesn't even get on Blogger anymore, but I wish he did, so he could read this. I'm just going to rant about him.
I love him. To death. I wish he knew.. I wish he cared. He's moved on past me, and doesn't want me to be a part of his life. It's not like I blame him. I'd get rid of me too.
I'm a fat, useless waste. I don't help him with anything. I have an old conversation of ours recorded.. It made me cry. It was when he had been lying about talking to a friend of mine, one that always turns my friends away from me. She doesn't do it on purpose.
He had been, and I quote, trying to "get to know her".. I know what that means with him, and I know that he doesn't love me anymore. It hurts. It literally breaks my heart. I want to just lay in bed and freeze and cut and pray for him to text me....
I miss my Master....
xoxo
Cry
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
I Feel So Useless Lately....
I'm so fat and worthless lately.. All I do is eat and stay in my room and swoon over my cat, Cookie's, kittens... I hate it.. Anyone want to cheer me up?
I feel like crying. My friend's boyfriend doesn't like me. Want to know why?
I posted something saying how I was staying at my friend's house. He said he wishes he could stay the night with her one night. He's here almost every weekend, and most week days, but isn't allowed to stay the night.
... I'm pissed off... I would give every night my boyfriend and I have been together.. Just to see him every week... I would love that...
I feel like crying. My friend's boyfriend doesn't like me. Want to know why?
I posted something saying how I was staying at my friend's house. He said he wishes he could stay the night with her one night. He's here almost every weekend, and most week days, but isn't allowed to stay the night.
... I'm pissed off... I would give every night my boyfriend and I have been together.. Just to see him every week... I would love that...
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Idea And Starting A Fast
First, to be polite and answer back on comments owo...
Ednos Linny: I think I will start walking again. I miss going for walks, really, and I feel like I never get the chance. Might take one of the dogs with me too when I go.. I'll have to wait for my mom to come home today, but then I can go whenever.
TinyRose: I shall stay strong! Haha. And I already messed up on our juice fast, sadly, but I saw the results of that already (See below). I'm going to stick to it now.
Fat Piggy: I hope it's not too late for me.. I'm scared of staying this fat for the rest of my life. Not to mention, it's my boyfriend's prom May 25th but I'm leaving to go there on like, the 12th. I have three weeks and a few days until then. I've been doing crunches like crazy, and these arm exercises too..
So, about the Juice Fast. TinyRose and I started it yesterday, and anyone can feel free to join in! My goal is to go until I leave for my boyfriend's prom, which will be until at least May 12th or later. I think I'll be able to make it that long, too. I already failed, but here's my stats so far.
Height: 5'8''
Weight: 287.4
I'm... I'm not going to lie, I'm disgusted. It literally makes me sick. I threw up this morning as soon as I saw that number, so I had to brush my teeth again r3r ugh. Mmmeee..
And, random idea.. uh.. I own this little chat site on a chat... site... well, I was thinking of hosting a little meet and greet. All of us go on there (and it's a private chat, as in no one but us will be on it) and we chat and such. I'm a big roleplayer, rper, etc, so you may get a glimpse at my randomness. Anyone interested in this idea? And if you'd like to check out the chat site for yourself, it's called xat.com. Mine has a certain web link on it, but I'll only post that when the day comes, cause we need to plan a date and time, seeing as we're all from different places and such... Eh... Yeah.
So, time for the Question of the Day.
Question: Anyone know of any pro-ana/ana friendly apps for a smart phone?
Answer (And explanation): Last Tuesday I got a new phone, so I'm obsessed with getting apps. I haven't had a smart phone ever, because my phones always bust and I end up using an old, shitty, blackberry curve that glitches and gets a ton of errors. Well, now I have a Samsung Captivate Glide, and I plan on using the shit out of it D:< Tell me any apps you can think of owo I'm all ears. Even good BMI ones and such, thinspiration, etc.
xoxo
Cry
Ednos Linny: I think I will start walking again. I miss going for walks, really, and I feel like I never get the chance. Might take one of the dogs with me too when I go.. I'll have to wait for my mom to come home today, but then I can go whenever.
TinyRose: I shall stay strong! Haha. And I already messed up on our juice fast, sadly, but I saw the results of that already (See below). I'm going to stick to it now.
Fat Piggy: I hope it's not too late for me.. I'm scared of staying this fat for the rest of my life. Not to mention, it's my boyfriend's prom May 25th but I'm leaving to go there on like, the 12th. I have three weeks and a few days until then. I've been doing crunches like crazy, and these arm exercises too..
So, about the Juice Fast. TinyRose and I started it yesterday, and anyone can feel free to join in! My goal is to go until I leave for my boyfriend's prom, which will be until at least May 12th or later. I think I'll be able to make it that long, too. I already failed, but here's my stats so far.
Height: 5'8''
Weight: 287.4
I'm... I'm not going to lie, I'm disgusted. It literally makes me sick. I threw up this morning as soon as I saw that number, so I had to brush my teeth again r3r ugh. Mmmeee..
And, random idea.. uh.. I own this little chat site on a chat... site... well, I was thinking of hosting a little meet and greet. All of us go on there (and it's a private chat, as in no one but us will be on it) and we chat and such. I'm a big roleplayer, rper, etc, so you may get a glimpse at my randomness. Anyone interested in this idea? And if you'd like to check out the chat site for yourself, it's called xat.com. Mine has a certain web link on it, but I'll only post that when the day comes, cause we need to plan a date and time, seeing as we're all from different places and such... Eh... Yeah.
So, time for the Question of the Day.
Question: Anyone know of any pro-ana/ana friendly apps for a smart phone?
Answer (And explanation): Last Tuesday I got a new phone, so I'm obsessed with getting apps. I haven't had a smart phone ever, because my phones always bust and I end up using an old, shitty, blackberry curve that glitches and gets a ton of errors. Well, now I have a Samsung Captivate Glide, and I plan on using the shit out of it D:< Tell me any apps you can think of owo I'm all ears. Even good BMI ones and such, thinspiration, etc.
xoxo
Cry
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