MOVING BLOGS AND I PROMISE I'LL BE MORE ACTIVE ON THE NEW ONE ;w;

Moving blogs guys! Accounts and everything because this one's been messing up lately :P

New URL is AnaKeepMySecrets.blogspot.com

Please come follow me <3 I'll be saving your URL's and looking you up on the new one to follow you all!

I love you all <3 Toodles~

Holy shit, 66 followers

Yeah, I'm sorry I haven't been on in a while, guys. I've been busy. LET'S GO THROUGH WHAT I'VE ACCOMPLISHED!

Well, boyfriend lived with me from October 2012 to January 2013, but then we packed up my little blue car and drove to New Jersey, which is where we now live, with his parents :D

It's not too bad. It's his parents, his older brother, older sister, and younger sister.

His younger sister is working out a lot, so sometimes I join her in working out. She's a lot skinnier than me, but she's not "skinny". She's basically at that body type of people that I hate, that are like "Omg I'm so fat, I'll never lose weight." But they're SO much closer to that ideal body type than I am.

So anyways, I've been okay here. Eating better, because his mom decided the whole family is on a diet, eating healthy food like fruits and vegetables and such. Meh. D: I'm pretty okay with that.

Today, though, we're going to go to the mall nearby and apply for jobs. I need money xD I hate being broke. Oh, and i'm going to buy a new, smaller, purse today, because my purse is fucking enormous, and the new issues #3 and #4 of the My Little Pony comics ;D So, lemme think.. uhh..

QOTD: Are you a fan of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic?

My Answer: I AM THE BIGGEST FAN OMFG KAJDFLKJARLJNLASDF I LOVE MY LITTLE PONY! I'm a Colgate fan, along with Derpy and Fluttershy :3 I love Derpy Hooves and I wish they would have added more of her in season three. AND I WISH THEY HADN'T CHANGED HER GOD DAMNED VOICE ugh. She sounds like a bimbo. r3r Welp, lemme know guys. Later.

You Raise Me Up (Back, by the way)

Yeah, I've been gone, but got tons of news for those of you still following my blog :3 I'm so sorry I've been gone, and I'm so thankful for you all. I really am. Thank you to all of you for being there for me.

Well, first off, I got a job! 40 hours a week, exactly, and at $9/hr. That's a LOT of moola, eh?

Boyfriend moved in.. 66 days ago, I think? Maybe 65. He has a counter on his phone that says how many days since he's moved in x3 It's been amazing. He's so cuddly and sweet and loving, and he doesn't like me not-eating, but I've been eating decently and exercising a lot. I haven't really lost anything, though, but I have some inspiration.

I want to BADLY get my hair cut in a scene style. You know, that only skinny girls can pull off? Yeah, I want that. BADLY. And I'm going to dye it burgundy, darkish-red for those of you who don't speak rainbow. Lol.

Been practicing sign language and Japanese, too! I want to get all the hiragana and katakana memorized before I start on words and sentences.

Also, for Christmas, I'm getting a Kindle Fire! My mom asked me if I'd rather have that or a 3DS and I said that, because I can trade in my old DS for some money instead. Lol.

And I'm going to work on my New Year's Resolutions for the next month, so if you guys wanna share yours in the comments, feel free! :3

So, I've rambled enough, I believe :3 Let's do a question, shall we?

QOTD: What is your favorite, CHEAP, "snack" food?

My Answer: I tend to snack a lot between meals, and I want to quit that, along with drinking pop. *sob* My favorite, cheap, healthy snack would have to be cucumber or celery. It's so crisp and watery. I don't need anything to drink with it, either, and it's a lot of water in it too. I normally eat these for meals too :P Today I had a whole cucumber for lunch. YUM!

Love you all, keep commenting and I'm about to go through what posts I've missed, so I'm sorry! D:

xoxo
Paige


(Yes, my real name, not sure if any of you know it, but it is Paige. :3 Thought you deserved to know.)

I'm getting better at this, I believe.

I did good today, I only ate, like, ten chips from my friend in class. And drank water and Diet Dr. Pepper. Yum. It's one of the two diet sodas I'll drink, that and Mountain Dew. I don't know why. I hate regular MD but the diet just makes it so appetizing <3

Well, I'm rather bored lately, but at least le boyfriend is coming soon. Oh, random thought. Does anyone know sign language? I'm trying to learn, because all that movement is such good exercise for the arms, wouldn't ya know. Lol. Man, I'm thirsty.

If I ramble, it's my mind giving up on sleep, finally. I said I was going to bed three hours ago. Lol.

I hope I can hold off on eating tomorrow, too. Tomorrow, I plan on cleaning and doing laundry and all that stuff that'll make my stepdad happy while he's off work. I wish I had a job.

As a note, I know a lot of people aren't pro-ana, but are anorexic and not wanting to stop. What would that be called? I'm not sure what I am. I go with EDNOS, just because I don't really qualify for anything. It's like I'm retarded when it comes to food.

I eat too much, I starve for days at a time, I purge, I cut, I cry, I think about suicide. What am I?

My old therapist said anxiety, with a dash of depression, but she never asked about how I ate, but she did know that I didn't eat often enough, but, she could see how fucking fat I am.  I don't think I've lost a pound. You know what, I'm going to go weigh myself.

Last I check, I was 296.4 pounds.


Shit, I'm not going to weigh myself. I made my boyfriend tell me the exact date he's coming here, and it's the last date possible... I feel like dying.

Five more days? I could barely make it through today without wanting to stab myself straight through my fat stomach and carving out all the fat lodged inside of me.

I just.. I can't handle this anymore.... I can't wait much longer... I'm so lonely.. I'm so useless... I can't even get a job...

Know how many places I've applied to in the past year? And reapplied to when I was able to?
Fifteen fucking places. I never even got a call back. Is it because they met me? Saw how fat I was, how much I didn't work to lose weight?

Why can't I be skinny and perfect.... Why can't I get a job when everyone else does..

My really shitty friend, we'll call him Erwin, he fucking got a job just because he's a guy, and this place only had girls working. THATS THE ONLY REASON.

He complains, constantly, about not getting paid enough, the hours being too long, not having enough hours to afford things he wants, about how he back sasses his boss, or about how he got written up for refusing to fucking stop sitting on a counter.

HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET HIRED AND NOT ME? HES NEVER FUCKING WORKED BEFORE AND THIS IS WHAT THEY FUCKING GET. I WORKED MY ASS OFF THREE SUMMERS IN A ROW AT SOME SHITTY AMUSEMENT PARK AND CANT EVEN GET A GOD DAMNED INTERVIEW AT FUCKING. WALMART.


I'm beyond pissed right now.. I'm going to bed.

QOTD: How much do you weight right now?

MA: I'll post it next time, if I get at least five comments. If not, oh well, not important enough anyways.

I am, in fact, very much alive...

.. And very much fat. Two hundred and fucking ninety five pounds.. I'm a disgrace.

I need to start fasting. And fast. (Trollolol)

Well, le boyfriend is moving in in less than eleven days. I'm not allowed to know the official date, but I know when it isn't so that's good.

But I feel like such a bloated, fat, disgusting whale..

I have to lose weight by then. I have to.

What's my best bet, people? What's the best thing to do? Starve and drink water? Eat small portions of a certain food? Tell me anything that will help me, please.

I drink water pretty much nonstop now, so don't worry about that too much. I'm trying to flush out my system after the recent binging incident I had (May have to write about that later.)

I've been obsessed with Minecraft lately. Anyone Ana/Mia out there that plays, please link me to your server. Mine aren't working as of right now, so please.

Oh, my family got a scanner now. So I've been drawing. TIME TO BRING BACK....

QUESTION OF THE DAY!

Question: What animal/pokemon/neopet/something cuddly would you like me to draw? I'm bored out of my mind and need to draw, since Minecraft isn't working.

My Answer: I'm going to draw me as a Eevee. I love Eevee, such a simple, adorable pokemon, but filled with so many possibilities. It reminds me of myself.

Thank you for the support. I promise I'll be on more often, especially with the boyfriend coming here. I want him to know everything I do, even though he disagrees.

xoxo
Kitty


P.S. I've started going by "Kitty" and "Icing" lately, so have fun with that.

I Want To Die

I'm never going to be skinny. I'm not. And Eric is never going to live with me. I have to accept that.

I have no job. I'm fucking huge and disgusting. Everyone I've ever met wishes they could forget me.

My stepdad showed me where we hide the gun at. Now I know where to find it.

And I just found out where I have to shoot to kill myself instantly. I can't wait to try it.

Toodles.

I feel usless..

Yeah, I'm back guys and girls. I got a big mirror put up in my room, looked at myself, and purged. I recently found out one of my friends is a cutter and also has an eating disorder, but she's against it and trying to get fixed. I'm not.
I want to lose weight. I've stopped eating. I've been exercising.

Oh, and I haven't been here in so long, I have good news.
My parents gave the OK and said my boyfriend can move in.
Here's the thing: We're going to be moving soon too. From Indiana to Tennessee.

I'm so terrified. I hate moving. I'm too fat. I'll take up too much space. I'll never make new friends.

I'm in tears just telling you guys about it.

Well, anyways, I'm going to take pictures of myself semi-naked tomorrow and post them. You guys deserve to see me once, at least. And someday, we can look back and see the changes and such.

Any and all comments are welcome. Thank you.